I know that sounds cheesy and cliche, but it’s true. Amanda is better than me by leaps and bounds.

God commands me to love my wife as Jesus Christ loved me. Now those are some big shoes to fill, but I try. Some days I think I do pretty good at it, but there are other days where I know I haven’t done my best and loved Amanda the way I’m supposed to. If Paul called himself the chief of all sinners, then there are a lot of days where I’m the chief of all screw up husbands. I don’t mean I lose it on my wife or anything like that, but sometimes I know I could do a better job of loving her as Jesus loves me.

Amanda, however, makes it look easy. Every time I mess up, she helps me up. When I’m not my best she doesn’t nag and hassle me. She loves me, encourages me, accepts me. She spends all day taking care of our kids–chasing them, correcting them, cleaning up after them–and she still has the patience to care for me too. That’s an awesome wife!

She’s so much smarter than me too. A couple weeks ago she wrote an amazing blog about putting Jesus before family because your family is temporary–you won’t need them in heaven. I don’t think I can express the astonishment and pride I felt when I first read that. (There was a bit of jealousy too.) I wish I had half the insight she does–not to mention the ability to put it so well into words.

And while we may not be husband in wife in heaven, I’m still gonna let my cup overflow with her as much as I can while I’m with her in this life!

In our life group on Monday, we talked about what that looks like. We are all young couples with young children, and our families are a major part of our lives. So, naturally, the focus of the conversation was how do we know we love Jesus more than our spouses and children. How do we know we hate our lives–our husbands/wives, kids, etc.–in comparison to Jesus?

We talked about using what we do to teach other people how to have a relationship with Jesus. We talked about being able to choose heaven with Jesus and no family over heaven without Jesus and all your family with you together and happy.

Today I thought of a couple other scenarios to test whether you love Jesus above all else–if you hate your family in comparison to him.

1) Yesterday I was listening to one of Newspring’s services from last month. (Yes, I know, I reference Perry Noble a lot. So sue me.) The message was comprised of different stories of bad things happening to good people. One of the stories was about a young family where the dad died of cancer. A wife had lost her partner and best friend, and three young children had lost their dad. In the midst of their grief they made this statement, “God is still God.” It reminded me of the words of Job, “The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised.” If you lost your husband or wife today would your life be over? If you were to lose your kids, would you be lost as a person?

2) I was reading an article on the New York Times’ website about countries in the Mid-East, Africa, and Asia who are struggling for democracy. In the article the author says that prisoners in Bahrain have seen their wives put in jail in front of them and have been told that if they don’t confess, their wives will be raped. As I read about that, I began to think, “If someone told me to renounce Jesus or Amanda would be raped, what would my answer be?” You see, it’s a lot easier for us to sacrifice ourselves for Jesus than it is to sacrifice others. Would you allow your family–your parents, siblings, spouse, children–to be hurt, tortured, or even raped to stay true to Jesus?

I don’t know if I can definitively answer those questions. I hope that if the scenario came up, I’d choose Jesus, but those are tough situations.

How would you respond in these situations?

What are some other ways we can tell we hate our lives in comparison to Jesus?

Edy took to the potty pretty quickly. (Although recently we’ve been struggling to get her to use it.) Micah, however, is having a tougher time. He’ll sit on his potty just fine, but he doesn’t want to actually pee in it.

Amanda has decided to use the bare-butted method, and for the most part it worked great today. We only had one accident this whole morning with him running around stark naked from the waste down. The thing is, he still doesn’t seem to grasp the concept of putting his pee in the potty. It gets frustrating at times.

Nearly every parent would agree that raising kids is not an easy task. Teaching them to grow and mature takes a lot of time and effort. At some point most every parent has thought that it would be easier just give up–to let their kids stay the same. It would be so much easier to rock and cuddle them to sleep every night than fighting them to go to sleep on their own. It would be so much easier to let them keep the pacifier than suffer through the tantrums. It would be much easier to let them stay in diapers than take them to the potty every half hour and wash clothes twice a day.

But maturity is a necessary step. It’s 100% acceptable for a toddler to act the way they do, but if a 40-year-old trying to behave the same way is incredibly inappropriate. If my son were to take off all his clothes and run around the house naked while company was over, everyone would probably say, “Awww, isn’t that cute?” But if you were to do the same thing, everyone would probably run for the door and never talk to you again.

Maturity is a natural step in growing physically. Why do we, then, ignore it in our spiritual lives? Why is it okay for someone who’s been a follower of Jesus for years to look and act exactly the same as when they first met Jesus? It’s not okay for a 15-year-old to say, “I’m good just as I am. I’ll act this way for the rest of my life”, but we’re perfectly fine saying, “I’m good enough. I’ve changed enough for Jesus. I don’t need to mature in my faith any more.” Why?

I listened to a sermon today by Perry Noble, and in it he said something to the fact that we should never stop maturing in our relationship with Jesus. There is always a “next step.”

I think too many of us, however, look at our lives and accept “good enough”. We look at where we are and where God wants us to go and think, “It would be so much easier to just stay here.”

Too many of us are like the Hebrews Paul writes to and says, “You have been believers so long now that you ought to be teaching others. Instead, you need someone to teach you again the basic things about God’s word. You are like babies who need milk and cannot eat solid food” (Hebrews 5:12).

No matter how difficult, painful, or unsettling it is, maturing is a necessary part of the spiritual process. Sure it may require giving up things we hold dear–our money, our jobs, our lifestyle, even our families–but Jesus has mandated that we hate our lives and everything in them in comparison to Him. If you’re not willing to give up everything for Him, then we cannot be His followers (Luke 14:25-26)!!!

So my question for you is this: where have you been unwilling to mature? What have you been holding on to that has kept you from growing in your relationship with Jesus? What has God been asking you to let go of, but you’re too afraid to obey?

Whatever it is, I encourage you to let go of it in order to experience the best life possible that Jesus has for you!

While I wrote I felt God had something different He wanted me to say.

Divorce is not a part of God’s best life possible for you and should be be avoided at all costs!!! However, I know many who have fought hard to save their marriages, but the other party had no interest in staying together. To those who fought for your marriage I believe God wants you to know how much He loves you, and He still wants you to have life in its fullest! 2 Corinthians calls Him the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, and He wishes to be that for you.

When I was a kid I learned a lot of songs from Psalty the singing songbook. These are the lyrics to one of those songs. For those of you who are hurting from divorce–or in any other fashion–may this be your prayer today.

I cast all my cares upon You

I lay all of my burdens down at Your feet

And anytime I don’t know what to do

I will cast all my cares upon You

I am teaching on spiritual disciplines right now in our youth program, and this week is on prayer. As I think about what I need to teach these students, I keep coming back to the simplicity of the task. It’s just talking to God. You be real. You be honest. You be you.

I remember watching a high school student praying before a sermon at a preaching competition. He started his prayer this way, “God, You’re so freaking awesome!” I remember laughing at first, and then realizing that that is the essence of prayer. We just talk to God. No fancy words or poetic language necessary. We speak to God the way we would speak to any other friend.

One of my favorite quotes from Jesus about prayer is “And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him” (Matthew 6:7-8).

God doesn’t need us to try to sound smart or eloquent. He wants us to be ourselves and just talk.

I’m curious though. What are some of the most meaningful lessons you’ve learned on prayer?

2) Last night was one of the best life groups I’ve ever been to, and we never even discussed any of the questions. Everyone had thoughts and concerns about the message, and discussion flowed naturally. I really think people grew in their relationship with Christ through it. It was awesome!

The more I preach–whether to adults or students–the more I relate to the words of Jeremiah when he says, “But if I say I’ll never mention the Lord or speak in his name, his word burns in my heart like a fire. It’s like a fire in my bones! I am worn out trying to hold it in! I can’t do it!”

I love my job!

During their journey, they veer off course and end up in the icy seas of the Antarctic. As the sailors struggle to find their heading and escape the cold, an albatross–a messenger of hope to sailors–appears and guides them to back to warmer waters. The bird is seen as their savior and revered by the crew, but the captain foolishly shoots and kills the bird. As if in answer to the mariner’s sin, the ship is almost immediately cast into the doldrums–the accursed portion of sea where winds stop, the ship ceases to move, and all hope seems lost. And for a long time this is where the crew and captain find themselves, and they fear they will never escape.

That’s where Amanda and I are right now in our Bible reading plan. We’re about 10 chapters into Leviticus, and we feel like we’re in the midst of the doldrums. It’s just list after list of how to make sacrifices, where to sprinkle blood, what portion to burn and what do give to the priests, yada yada yada. And about 83.325% of each sacrifice is the same as every other sacrifice.

I know it’s Scripture and so there has to be some spiritual learning to be had from it, but I gotta be honest, I’m having a hard time figuring out what it is. So could you help me?

What are some of the spiritual lessons God has taught you from the book of Leviticus?

P.S. Amanda and I were discussing the implications of Genesis 8:21 which says, “the intent of man’s heart is evil from his youth” (NASB). Does this mean we have a “sinful nature”? Do we give children too much leeway for innocence when in actuality they may be sinful much earlier than we recognize? I’m not sure. What are your thoughts?

I don’t have a specific style of music I like. I listen to punk, pop rock, worship, jazz, funk, lounge–pretty much anything with a band.

One of my favorite bands is a funk-soul group out of St. Louis, MO called Fundamental Elements. My brother introduced me to them in college, and I was hooked immediately. Not only is their music phenomenal, but they’re great guys too.

This morning I was at my favorite local joint and showed one of the employees this amazing video of FE’s bassist and playing one of their songs. She loved them and immediately “liked” them on Facebook.

It was cool to share a band with someone and have them catch on and enjoy them as well. But as I basked in the joy of my accomplishment, God spoke to me these words, “You feel so good spreading the fame of a good band with someone who didn’t know them, but what have you done recently to spread the name of Jesus with someone who doesn’t know Him?”

Wow! I felt like the wind was knocked out of me. It was so easy for me to find an opportunity to bring up a band I liked into conversation, but when was the last time I found a way to bring up Jesus? How many opportunities have I missed? How many times have I shied away because I was too scared?

You see we love to talk about music we like or a movie we saw or this new restaurant that people just have to try, but we rarely mention Jesus at all to people who don’t know Him. I’ve heard it said that we talk about what we love. Could this be a sign that we don’t love Jesus the way we should?

Each encounter with a lost person is an opportunity to introduce them to the One who can give them the best life possible. Why would we pass that up?

Let’s commit to making the most of every opportunity and talking about our hobbies a little less and our Savior a little more.

My husband and I had a date night last night. We sent the kids to Grandma’s, picked up dinner at Applebee’s, and then had a picnic on our living room floor while we watched the movie Eat Pray Love. I don’t think Pip liked the movie very much. I thought it was okay, and I might’ve enjoyed it enormously if I weren’t a Christian, but truth be told, I felt very sad watching it. It’s all about a woman who comes to realize that she’s very unhappy with her life. She assumes that she just doesn’t like the life she’s built, which is centered around her marriage, and she decides that a divorce will fix it. But once apart from her husband, she finds that her unhappiness still plagues her. She finds a younger boyfriend who is Hindu, but when her unhappiness transcends a new relationship and a new religious life of Hindu meditation and chanting, she decides to go in search of herself in a year-long trek from Italy to India to Bali. I can scarcely imagine a life full of such hopelessness – the hopelessness of a life without Jesus, and I felt very moved by that. One of the most interesting parts for me was when she was eating lunch with several of her Italian friends in Rome. They were taking turns asking each other what their “word” was – essentially what was the one word that would difinitively describe who they are. Our main character, Liz, had trouble answering. She says her word used to be daughter, and she was good at that. Then it was wife, but she wasn’t so good at that. And then it was girlfriend, but that wasn’t so good either. So, she concluded, her word is “writer.” The man sitting across the table from her said, “That’s what you do, Liz; it’s not who you are.“

That’s what you do; it’s not who you are.

I think a lot of us mommies have a hard time with that idea. Maybe a lot of other people have a hard time with it, too, but there’s a reason this blog’s not called Lawyer Thoughts. I don’t have enough experience as anything else to be able to tell you. But being married to a minister, I could venture a guess that even ministers may have a problem with confusing what they do with being who they are. But as a stay-at-home mom, I’ll tell you how this most affects me, and how I suspect it may affect other moms as well.

My husband and I have been reading through the Bible together this year. Not too far into the New Testament, I ran into a few verses that have always been hard for me to swallow. Matthew 22:23-33 says:

²³ That same day the Sadducees, who say there is no resurrection, came to him with a question.²⁴ “Teacher,” they said, “Moses told us that if a man dies without having children, his brother must marry the widow and raise up offspring for him. ²⁵ Now there were seven brothers among us. The first one married and died, and since he had no children, he left his wife to his brother. ²⁶ The same thing happened to the second and third brother, right on down to the seventh. ²⁷ Finally, the woman died. ²⁸ Now then, at the resurrection, whose wife will she be of the seven, since all of them were married to her?”

²⁹ Jesus replied, “You are in error because you do not know the Scriptures or the power of God. ³⁰At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven. ³¹ But about the resurrection of the dead—have you not read what God said to you, ³²‘I am the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob’^[a]? He is not the God of the dead but of the living.”

³³ When the crowds heard this, they were astonished at his teaching.

The Sadducees are really just messing with Jesus when they ask him this question, but what He says to them is so important when we’re thinking about who we really are as wives and mothers. The question they ask is this: When a woman has been married to several different men in this life, which one gets to be her husband in Heaven? Jesus’ answer is astonishing and unsettling. He says NOBODY. Nobody will be her husband. In Heaven, no one will be married to anyone else, and no one will get married once we get there. There won’t be any marriage. We’ll be celibate like the angels. And that used to scare me. That once my husband dies, he won’t be my husband anymore. That’s a big deal, and it’s hard to understand.

I don’t know about you, but I like being married. I love my husband. I love my kids. My little family is just about the most important thing in my whole life. We soak up as much time as we can possibly get together. We love being together and being a family. We hate to be apart. But in Heaven, none of that is going to matter. In Heaven, I won’t need my husband. I’ll have Jesus. I will bask in the glory of God forever, and I won’t ever want for anything or need anything ever again. I’ll have everything I need. That’s why we won’t be married in Heaven. Marriage helps us fulfill our earthly needs. But in Heaven, we won’t have those needs anymore. All our needs will be met. Nothing could ever be better than that!

Those verses have helped me understand Jesus a whole lot better. I used to struggle so much with letting my family mean more to me than Jesus. I used to have such a hard time with that. When my kids were first born, I’m pretty sure I made them the most important things in my life. I’m pretty sure there were a lot of times when their needs came before my own needs, before my husband’s needs, and definitely before my spiritual life. Those kids were everything to me. I was their mom and pretty much nothing else. You see, I got confused. I loved them so much that I got confused about who I was. I somehow managed to forget that I belonged to Jesus and not to my kids. And it got me into a world of hurt and suffering. I landed flat on my butt in postpartum depression. Now, I’m not trying to say that PPD is innately sinful because I don’t believe it is. And I don’t believe that it’s totally controllable by those who suffer from it. But I do believe that I might have had an easier time coping with it had I remembered that I belong to Jesus. I was so busy wallowing in the self pity of having two kids who were sick and in such constant pain and needing so much care and attention that I completely missed out on experiencing God’s goodness. Maybe if I had remember to Whom I belong, it wouldn’t have taken me until my daughter had lived with her illness for 2 years and my son for 1 year before I remembered God’s promise in the book of James and allowed the Holy Spirit to heal my children of their ailments. Their suffering could have been eased so much sooner if I had listened and believed and obeyed. But I forgot that being a mother is what I do, not who I am.

In Luke 14:26, Jesus tells us that “If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple.” Now I don’t hate my kids or my husband. Like I said, they are one of the most important things in my life. But I’ve recently come to understand just how the love I have for them isn’t nearly as great as the love I have for Jesus. It pales so much in comparison that it doesn’t look like I love them at all next to how much I love Jesus. And the times in my life when I’ve loved my family more, I haven’t been following Jesus, even though I thought I was.

I’m absolutely convinced that when we confuse who we are with what we do, we forget to do the things that are really important. When I focus on being a mommy and a wife and forget that I belong to Jesus, I stop serving and learning and putting my heart into worship and even life. Even worse, I forget just how important Jesus’ sacrifice for me really is, and I start to think it’s okay to keep it to myself. When I forget that I belong to Jesus before I belong to my family, I forget that other people need His grace. But when I remember that being wife and mommy is the job God gave me to do and not to be, I remember to get my identity from Jesus. And I have a hard time holding it in and keeping it to myself. If I know who I really belong to, if I know who I really am, then I have to tell people about it!

I’m making a very deliberate decision to make my word DISCIPLE.

What’s your word?